Taking time for someone else

My Blackberry phone did not work.  I could be heard by callers but I could not hear them.   That's another column.  On my landline, I called their help centre and worked with the patient woman to take apart the Blackberry and put it back together. In the end, she suspected that the problem was with the hardware.  Off I went to the Bell store where I waited for a while for a technician to help me.  (Some people don't read their manuals ever!)  The cell phone was sent away for service for 4-6 weeks or earlier if I was lucky.  I was told to wait for a phone call telling me it was back.  I actived my old Blackberry and after a week, I went to the Bell store to find out whether it would be returned to me sooner.  Fortunately, my repaired cell phone was on its way to the Bell store.  After the long weekend, I returned to the Bell store early one morning.  Alas the repair staff were not arriving until after 3:00 pm, but one staff person offered to look at the big plastic bag of packaged repaired  phones that were on the floor.  The bag was full.   It was quiet in the store and another staff person helped him.  They had to open every package in the bag.  My Blackberry was the last package in the bag.  I was lucky that these Bell staff took their time to do another absent person's job.  They put it together for me and off I went into the bright sunny day.

Spare Change

Walking down

Queen Street

on a cold day, I hear an inquiry every so often: “Spare Change?”  I look over and see a person huddled on the sidewalk with an empty coffee cup.  Sometimes I reach into my pocket and give the person a loonie, or a quarter or even a toonie.  Sometimes, I just say “hello” and move on. 

I am not sure why I give money to some and not to others.  I try to say hello to everyone who asks for “spare change”.   Last week, I was walking in close proximity behind a trio of students.  I overheard one person say: “Spare change, what makes him think that anything I have is extra?”  The others laughed in agreement and I was left wondering what the question “spare change” really means. 

On reflection, I think that the phrase “spare change” is an abbreviation of some much more complex questions: 

1. Can you spare me from hunger, thirst and homelessness for today with the change you received when you made your last purchase?
2. Can you spare me from the humiliation of begging more today so that I can change my posture and I can stand up and walk on the street too?
3. Can you spare me from my unfilled yearning for a drug or a drink because I can not change myself just now?
4. Can you spare me from my extreme isolation and change me into a part of your world too?
5. Can you spare yourself the fear of me when I am desperate and try to rob you in the changing streets?

I have heard people accuse the beggars of misrepresenting themselves.  They suggest that the street beggars are all looked after by the government and they have a home and food somewhere and they just want extra money.   Otherwise the beggars should look for work like everyone else.  They are just lazy.

I don’t think so.

Some people are down on their luck through no fault of their own.  Others do not have natural talents or accommodating personalities.  For these people, finding and keeping work is very difficult.  Others are clearly mentally ill.   Life can be very tough. 

I have also heard that the poor will always be with us.  I do not think that it is my job to ignore these individuals or to leave it only to the government or the police or social service agencies to deal with them.

When I am lost and looking for an address, I am so grateful that a stranger on the street takes the time to show me where to go, sometimes even walking me in that direction.

When the bus driver notices that I am running down the sidewalk, trying to catch the bus and stops to wait, I am grateful.

It’s up to each of us as individuals to be responsive to others on the street and hear what they are asking for.  We can change and spare the person who is asking for help from some of his frustrations.  It would be a better city for our efforts.

On the receiving end of kindness

I had some unexpected surgery three weeks ago.  My daughter Elana on the west coast let family and friends know by creating an email group and encouraging them to get in touch with me.  I received many emails and some get well cards of encouragement.  Each contact meant so much to me.  Some people offered prayer, others offered funny stories and still others told me how much they cared about me.  I know these people.  Many have heavy burdens of their own at this time in their own lives and yet they each reached out to me.  People came with prepared food too so I could take a break from the ordinary jobs of life while I recovered.  My daughter Rachel took the bus in from London to look after me for the first few days out of hospital.    I saw the surgeon yesterday.  I am relieved that the biopsies indicated that the tissue was benign.  I found that being on the receiving end of kindness to be a necessary lesson in humility.

Going the distance

My friend told me that she heard from a a former partner who is very ill now.  He lives in rural northern Ontario and must get treatment in a big city hospital.  Without hesitation, she volunteered to drive many hours to his home and spend a week to help put his things in order and close up his home and get him to treatment far away from there. That takes alot of energy and a heart filled with kindness for others.  I have watched her do wonderful acts of kindness for many others over the years.  She inspires me.  Who insprires you?

Offering quiet encouragement

My exercise regime includes an aquafit class early on Sunday mornings.  It is always crowded and regulars try, sometimes with great vigour,  to get to their favourite spots at the front of the pool as soon as they can.  This morning we were joined by a woman in her last trimester of pregnancy.  I think this was her first time in this class.  She was relegated to a spot in the back corner of the pool near where I was working out.  The aquafit instructor noticed this newcoming after leading the class for about 10 minutes.  She walked over to her and quietly added some special instructions so that no harm would come from exercise that may be too strenuous, and then the instructor casually walked back to the front of the pool shouting instructions to the rest of us all the way. 

It's challenging to notice someone special in a crowd who may need some individual attention.  I was impressed.

Lost Hat

We went out for dinner with friends in a busy restaurant but had a drink together first in a bar below the restaurant.  It was a cold night and I wore a favourite tam.  Somehow, I forgot my hat in the bar and did not return for a few hours.  I asked about my hat, which was reversible, one side was false leopard skin and the other was plain black wool.  I had worn the leopard skin side out that evening.  The hostess found my hat and put it aside, carefully turning it to the black side so that only the owner could identify as her own and I got my hat back.  Sometimes people look out for you when you don't even expect it.

Supporting a colleague

My regular hairdresser has been off sick for a few months.  I saw a sign in the salon change room inviting all the clients of the salon to make an appointment on Sunday, February 20 for any service.  Each of  the staff at the Salon will donate their pay and tips to my hairdreser who has been off work for so long.  This salon is not usually open on Sundays so each person is also donating a day off too.  It is amazing to notice all the different ways that people can give to each other.